Men
Gentlemen
hmm..
My friend Talia was visiting me and we went out. Sitting outside at a cafe with many passerbys to watch I spotted a friend of mine in the crowd. I would have called him over but this year I am a little worried my old friend wouldnt recognize me (funny how much my appearance has changed in a year, the last time I saw him). I asked our waiter, who seemed to know him as well, to stop drooling over my pretty friend and call him over.
Salih greeted Talia and I warmly and invited us to join him and his friends on the boat that they were hanging out in.
After we finished our drinks we walked over.
We got on the boat and the four guys immediately stood up trying to give us the best seats and give their hand for proper introduction. 1.
As the hours passed, I suggested that Talia and I leave before we missed the last bus home.
Batu insisted that he would drive us home (way out of his way). 2.
After an enjoyable evening with old and new friends we made our way off the boat. Kerim offered his hand to guide us off the boat. 3.
Salih even opened our door. 4.
I had to comment.
Sure, I have seen chivalry over and over again in Turkey. My friends (mostly guys) have always been nothing les than thoughtful gentlemen. No, their intentions didnt have alterior motives (most have my friends have been so for years).
Tonight in particular, I was a little culture shocked by this excessive kindness.
I still cant tell if it bothers me or not.
"What gentlemen you all are.." I chimed.
"This is how we were taught by our fathers. If we didnt take care of you, we would be uncomfortable. We take ownership upon ladies," replied Kerim.
THOUGH I dont think Kerim meant ownership like we his property, and the good intentions of his statement were lost in translation the patriachy is still obvious. I know he meant he wants to take care of us. Be good to us.
But cant I take care of myself?
Sure the staunch feminist in me finds chivalry outdated and nearly degrading.. But I hate to admit that I am a little flattered.
Perhaps it is the comfort of comfortable. I dont have to have my guard up at all times. Its a sweet comfort.
Still though, I cant bring myself to be okay with this.
The only way I can convince myself that I can accept this is special treatment is fooling myself that this is not so special. Even to each other these guys are overly hospitable. Or rather its not overly, just more than I am used to seeing. Any friendship here, cross gender or not, is exceedingly thoughtful.
Ok.. I think I am digressing from chivalry to Turkish comradery vs. American comradery. Another topic that I think should be mentioned.
I think I learned friendship in this country. I learned to be thoughtful, and to care. To truly care. To love a person and to show it. In America, I've always felt a cold energy in 90% of my friendships. A fakeness. A greed. Even a rush. People were quick claim a closeness that never was there in the first place. But the warmth of the people here is felt even from the intial handshake.
I think Arundhati Roy said it best when commenting on America in The Checkbook and the Cruise Missile: Conversations with Arundhati Roy.
Thanks for the assist Google Books.
No comments:
Post a Comment